21:07

People who get annoyed at those who can’t discuss their issues…
I used to do a great job at making sure no one would even ask about me in the first place. But now my presence just annoys certain people. If I could talk about stuff in real life without stuttering, becoming mute, or wanting a bullet through my brain due to my incompetencies of real-time discussion… don’t you think I would?
“Just press the giant button with the flashing ‘be normal’ text. It’s easy.”

I’m concerned over what will happen with society in the future. How things will change. What life will be like in only five hundred years. The course of life has changed exponentially in the past fifty years in this information age, and technology is just getting started. With Moore’s law, we’ve already reached a plateau. But I sense that we’re not even close to the end yet, with quantum computing on the horizon and embedded technologies becoming even more efficient. For example, Apple’s M1 SoC’s performance is astounding for its size. Its integrated GPU matches the performance of full-size desktop graphics cards of only a few years ago. As technology gets more dense, it can generally be fitted into more places seamlessly. Obviously, more powerful, the more useful. Even though GPUs are largely used by consumers for games, they’re devices which are phenomenal at performing many minute, synchronous tasks compared to something like a CPU. Graphics processing is famously one of these tasks that a GPU is used for, hence the name. The Tegra X1 used in the Nintendo Switch is also used inside of cars, like the Renovo Coupe, for processing the terrain the user drives in, for autonomous driving. At this point, smaller and integrated devices can start to blend in and improve life without any human interaction. We are already at a point where technology implants, such as pacemakers, save lives. We are already at the point where people are performing recreational implants with versatile NFC tags. NFC implants by themselves can be used to biologically identify an individual. It’s possible that they could become mandatory at birth as mandated by the government. And this isn’t a bad thing as long as the software on it is properly moderated. This can be done by sourcing a type of write-once NFC with low finite storage, containing only basic, immutable information about the human, like their allergies or medical record. The future I am endlessly curious about.

People asking if I want to go out and see the world… I can see the world on Google Maps. A tree is not going to be any different in Hawaii than the one down the street. Unless I can contribute to this future – to myself, I am only a nobody. One out of nearly eight billion. An unproductive ant floating in a sea the size of the Atlantic.

People asking if I want a family… people I work with may be confused, but I’m on the asexual spectrum. I teeter between the idea of homoromanticism and aromanticism. I’ve never experienced an actual crush, exactly, but I think it’s too early enough to say that I never will. In the past, I’ve made it easier for people to digest and consolidated this down to being “””gay””” for simplicity’s sake, since I’m not against the idea of a romantic relationship with another male, regardless of the likelihood of it actually succeeding. It does seem unnecessary and is entirely fueled by societal expectations, but maybe I could enjoy it.
I also will not adopt. If I can barely navigate a society properly and interact with others by myself, why would I want to be the one to teach a child how to do so? To raise a kid whose parent is not planning to grow old, let alone live another decade and stay around? To raise a kid who is realistically only a liability to me, and only get in the way?

People asking if I want to become affluent and have a good job…
I am endlessly concerned about the future and wish to contribute to it. I don’t consider work or personal wealth as necessary to contributing to society. Money is only a tool necessary to obtain other tools required to achieve this goal. I already have money and I got over the “oh, I can do whatever I want now, nice” part. Can’t purchase a new body and brain to live with.

In order to be able to contribute to a society, I need to at least be able to interact with said society and work with others.